Tuesday 7 May 2013

How NOT To Act Around Famous People


It would appear that people have no idea how to act around famous people. It’s not exactly a shock to me, but I must say the depths people are capable of sinking to interact with their favourite entertainer is pretty sickening. So I thought I’d put together this helpful guide... and point number one is one that I especially find reprehensible.

It’s quite simple really... do not fuck with people while they’re trying to do their job. Under any circumstances! You see, trying to grab a musician’s instrument when he’s trying to play it for a room full of people is not only annoying to that one person, it is potentially disruptive of the entire show! If you do something like this, you are entirely deserving of being on the receiving end of a Christian Bale-esque expletive-laden rant. And while we’re talking of Christian Bale, yes... distracting an actor in the middle of shooting a scene is also a big no-no.

Now say you’ve managed to make it through an entire show/performance without being an idiot, and it comes the time to try to actually meet said famous person, the most important thing to do here is to not act like a fucking loon. Imagine you’re walking down the street, and you hear someone scream your name and start sprinting towards you. Imagine how fucking terrified you would be. Remember that there have been people who have been murdered by people pretending to be excited fans who end up having a gun or a knife, and imagine what must be going through this person’s mind as you do this exact thing. Making your hero wonder whether they’re going to be getting out of a situation alive when you’re just excited to be meeting him is not the best way to express your gratitude.

And you know what you’d find even scarier? If you’re in a car, and a crowd of people who recognise you immediately start banging on the windows, and pressing their faces to the window while they scream at you to write their name on your stuff. Let’s just assume that if someone is in a car, that they have places to be, shall we? It’s much easier for you, and much less terrifying for them that way.

Now let’s say you’re just calmly waiting around the back of a venue for someone to come out so you can ask them to sign your stuff. Let’s imagine that this person does come out, and he greets a group of people by name and with hugs. Why do you think this is? Do you think that he might know these people? Yes? Fantastic! We’re getting somewhere. So when he invites these people in, let’s just assume that he’s inviting them in, because they are friends of his and it is not in fact a general invitation to every single person who is outside!

And when he’s inside the venue, and talking to these people, do not barge one of these people out of the way in the middle of their conversation, and force yourself into the building that you are not authorised to be in demanding that he sign your shit! And if he is willing to sign something, it’s just rude (not that you haven’t already crossed a boundary) to ask him to sign what looks like you’re entire fucking record collection.
Believe or not, there is a business side to “showbusiness” and some people want to take an active role in it, so if he says that he’s busy with meetings in the dressing room and he doesn’t really have time to cater to everyone, chances are he’s actually busy and it’s not just an excuse. At this point, it’s safe to assume that the only reason he hasn’t told you to fuck off is because he’s too nice. Seriously... some people can do with being assholes more often.

And finally, if you’ve been waiting for hours and he hasn’t managed to sign your stuff, it’s not a “giant fuck you” as some people call it. People have other places to be, and other things to do... it’s physically impossible to please everyone. You buying their stuff or going to see their show, does not entitle you to a monopoly on their time. The fact that they’re willing to speak to and sign stuff for anyone at all is a bonus, as they have no obligation to you. What you get in return for the price of a ticket is a gig. What you get in return for the price of a CD is a CD’s worth of music.

Above all, remember that at the end of the day, these are people we are talking about. So if something isn’t acceptable in your interactions with anyone else, then it’s also not acceptable in your interactions with them. Do you really want them to remember you as the person who fucked up a show, or the person who can’t form a coherent sentence but can run screaming at them, or the person who will barge through their friends in the middle of a conversation just to get to them? Really? Is that how you want your hero to think of you? If you think any of this is acceptable, then allow me to say it for them... fuck you!

And the ironic thing is that when people are calm and respectful, I have actually helped them get their autographs when it looks like they may be missing their chance before. I want to help people like that because I want to prove a point that this is the best way to go about things. And when there are famous musicians or actors who like to avoid any kind of fan interaction, I don’t judge because like I said, they are not obligated to do this, and I’ve seen some pretty awful behaviour from people that is only encouraged when they get their own way.

I’m expecting some people to assume that I’m just posting this to “boast” about knowing someone famous. I’m not. In fact, I try to talk about that as little as possible because the way I see it, I’m not friends with anyone for bragging rights (this is why I've not named anyone here, though you may well know of whom I speak). I just think that this is important, because I’m fed up with some of the shit people pull.

5 comments:

  1. Please read below

    group·ie
    [groo-pee]

    noun Informal.
    1.
    a young person, especially a teenage girl, who is an ardent admirer of rock musicians and may follow them on tour. Or so in this case a group of thirtysomethings and older who are male as well as female acting the part as if they are a teenage girl at a Justin Bieber show.

    2.
    an ardent fan of a celebrity or of a particular activity: a Duff McKagan groupie.

    3.
    a fraud who has manipulated a personality to conjure the idea that yourself and flock are not the arse kissing type of the typical groupie. Faking the idea of being something you are not to earn points by going against the grain. We see through you and you flock of McKagan fans. It sure is something that a man as traveled as McKagan cannot see through the mirage of bullshit you and the flock have created.

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  2. It's adorable that you think you know me and my friends better than people who have actually met us. Really. Feel free to carry on with your delusions.

    But keep this in mind... he started speaking to me. Not the other way around...

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  3. I will not argue with you mate. I've seen the lot of you in action. That is all I need to see.

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  4. I will clarify myself. I have seen you freaks in action at a gig in NYC, I used to post on a VR forum back when you more or less could not stand Duff. I tried to post on the Loaded forum but it was so deep on there in a week I was sick and swore I would not read it. To swell heads even more the band thanked the mods of that forum in the liner notes of their cd Sick. Kiss ass people are so punk rock.

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